Friday, November 9, 2012

Drawing a line of separation...

I've always struggled with how to draw a line between what I want and what others want for me. It feels like as an early adult you have all these people pointing you in the "right" direction and telling you  what to do. From graduation, to college, to college life, to your career and so on. Everyone always knows what's best for you. But do they? Do they ask what you want out of life? Where you want to go? They tell you that you're young and you have plenty of time for this or that, but maybe, just maybe you really don't want to wait. Maybe you know in your heart what you want and what's best for you. Here I am getting all passionate about this when really, I am a natural people pleaser and have almost always done what people expected of me. It's hard not to.

It won't be a shocker when I say that I want to have a baby. Ever since I met Kory my whole concept of a family and children changed and those thoughts and plans have only been expedited since we wed. I myself feel like 25 or 26 or 27 is a lovely age to have a baby. It's actually right in line with MY(by my I mean my plan compared to others plans for me, I'm not excluding my husband here!) life plan(ha like I've really gone through with that plan). Others however will say I'm too young or we're not ready. By others I do mean my parents. Yes, they are included in that. And that may be my biggest struggle. How do you make the decision to defy your loved ones and make your own calls? I get that we're married and we're adults-ultimately, it's our decision. I'm not looking for permission, I guess I just want to know that no matter what, our friends and family(my parents!) will support us the whole way through, from the very beginning. I don't want to feel like I'm going behind anyone's back. I want it to be a happy time for us, as it should be.

Did you have to draw a line of separation?

xx,
Melissa Loren

4 comments:

  1. Tough topic - I think you should do what you think it right for you. I've always been more of a dependent person who can never make a decision without my parents steering me in a certain direction. But at the same time - I feel like when Josh and I get married, it's all about us. Yes, our family is still our family but WE will be each others' FAMILY. (I'm super clear, I know :) haha!)What I mean is I plan on still seeing value in my parents opinions and ideas but ultimately - Josh would be the person I am building my life with, and my parents just won't play that role anymore. I think that if you and Kory both agree that having a baby is what will make you happy then you should do what you think is best you.

    So to answer your question - I haven't had to draw that line (yet) but I do see myself doing it soon.

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  2. I love that you're speaking about this topic---as I have always struggled with this myself.

    For every year of my life, up until probably half way through my pregnancy with Quinn I weighted my parents opinions (especially my Moms) so heavily that I would often consider what she would/would not say to any given decision I was about to make. Ultimately, I want to make them proud, so it's easy to see the logic here.

    This next little detail I'm about to tell you is one of the silliest, and most embarassing things that has ever come out of my mouth (I think). Now that our life is at this point though, it's hilarious to look back on. Okay: The day, no THE moment, we found out that we were expecting....I burst out in tears and said "My Mom is going to be so mad at me". LOL Seriously? Hormones? Most likely. But seriously. I was married (and had been for over 2 years) owned a house, was graduating college in just one short month, etc. My life was fine, we were totally secure. But I was still afraid of what my mom would or would not say.

    Needless to say, when we announced the baby to each set of parents, the excited tears, joyous squeals that followed were far from the anger I had once been concerned with.

    Don't get me wrong here, I am not trying to say that our parents don't know us best....or that you should/should not have a baby now. But only you and Kory can make that decision, and only you know your relationship best.

    John is a few years older than me, and it was his wish to have all/any children we want before he's 30. For me, I was not as ready as him, but life doesn't tend to wait until we feel "prepared" for whatever situations may arise. That's exactly why it's called life. In our case, it wasn't that we were "ready" or "trying" but rather, we were not [not] trying....we were ready for life to give us an opportunity when the time was right.

    Looking back now, I can understand why people say that your life will never be the same, and you have to make personal sacrifices, etc. But would I go back a single day the other way....no freaking way. Every night, every tear, every crazy pregnancy event that happened, I will always cherish every one of those moments. No one can ever begin to explain what parenthood is like, because it's such a complex thing. It pulls at every emotion, every piece of logic you have, every resource you have as well (including our parents). It's really true that it takes a village to raise a child.

    Okay, that's enough rambling on. If you read this and have any other questions about how I handled the crazy pregnant lady logic and my mom feel free to message me. LOL. Otherwise, I look forward to hearing all about the decisions you and Kory make. Remember, this is your life too....and you only have one shot at living every single moment :-)

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  3. I completely know where you are coming from(baby #2). Fortunately for me...it (baby#1) just kinda happened, no planning or deciding when the "right" time would come. Which by the way...NEVER comes. Babies come when they want to...or when God wants them to whether or not you or your parents or your husband thinks it’s the right time. And yes, you are REALLY young. I think I'm a really young mom. Knowing what I know now I would have wanted Christian at the age of 30 instead of 23. But isn't the grass always greener on the other side? Your parents will always want you to wait, but honestly no matter what age or time you have your children your parents will think they are the MOST amazing thing in the world. My mom will be the 1st to tell you that she wasn't my biggest cheerleader when I got pregnant, but now she loves my son more than she EVER thought she could love anyone.
    "You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes you just might find, you get what you need."

    PS. I love you and I cannot wait to spoil your little bundle of joy.

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  4. I really appreciate all of the lovely feedback! You ladies are great. Your kind words mean more than you'll ever know.

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