Thursday, November 8, 2012

What it's like to love/date/marry an older man...

I was reading a post the other day over at Early Mama, where [guest] Vanessa described what it's like to marry an older man and have children with him. I do not have children(YET!), but I do know what it's like to fall in love with and marry an older man.

I remember when I first met Kory, I thought for sure there'd be no way he'd be interested in me. I also remember thinking that he just HAD to be much more sophisticated, intellectual and more knowledgeable than me. I remember thinking, "What on Earth would we possibly have in common?" I also assumed that with almost a decade on me, he'd for sure be more established than me.

Regardless, I went on a first date with Kory and continued to date him. And I fell, I fell hard. I fell so deep in love with him that I knew we'd share the rest of our lives together and raise a family together. I was on an exhilarating  ride, doing things I'd never done before, feeling ways I'd never felt before, I was having the time of my life. We did, of course, have many things in common and enjoyed much of the same activities. Even though we were two totally different people in different places in our lives, we complimented each other so well. We thought anyway...

Something I will never forget is everyone else's comments and opinions. My parents had known Kory for a couple years before we starting dating so from the beginning they were very supportive of us. They respected him and knew that he was a good person. Even my best friend encouraged me to date him. She reminded me that age was just a number and that it was about our happiness. Others, however, were not supportive. They thought his age would push me further into adulthood or keep me from experiencing things that I might have without him. Their faces would cringe when I told them his age. They always asked the same two questions: Has he been married before? Does he have kids? (Noo, people!) I would see things on Facebook from "friends" I knew and some that I went to high school with, poking fun at us. They even went as far as to say that I was marrying an "old man" and called me things like, "gold digger." I won't share my rant on that subject, I'll just shrug it off and know in my heart that I would never be such a person. We ignored such comments and continued living our lives together, not worrying about what others thought about our relationship. Don't get me wrong, there were/are plenty of people who supported us and never thought twice about our age-thank you!

The awkward that comes along with being married to an older man, you ask? Awkward is knowing that my husband was learning to drive when I was beginning 1st grade. Awkward is my husband being in college while I was at middle school dances. Then there's me celebrating my 5th birthday while he was starting high school. Reviewing these and typing these out is about as bizarre as it gets. These, however, are the things that we laugh and joke about when we're sitting at home on the couch or out with our friends having dinner. If these awkward age gaps are the only negatives I have about being married to an older man, then I think we're doing ok. Plus, NONE of these things matter when I'm 25 and he's 34.

What matters is that Kory and I make each other happy. Him being older than me only pushes me to be more successful, to work harder and to do things like save money and work on our home. I know I do the same for him, because I know he wants to provide for us and take care of us. Being married to him has helped keep me grounded and focused. He's such a patient and kind man that I too have learned(definitely still learning) to be more patient. His patience and understanding with me is quite the blessing. He's shown me that jealousy and things of those nature are nothing but a burden. We live in the NOW, not the past or the future. We're living for everything that is happening in this very moment. I'm not perfect and I sure do like to have fun but my sense of responsibility and desire for success has always been a little higher than some, so that has stimulated our successes as a couple. Not for one minute have I ever doubted in us or regretted marrying an older man. I'm very proud of my husband, and of myself. So, next time you're quick to judge a couple because of their age, ethnicity or sex, think about this post. Your words may not phase the couple, but they are still hurtful and unnecessary. People will love who they're meant to love!
xx,
Melissa Loren

5 comments:

  1. I've been dating a guy for 4 months now that's 33 and I'm 23. I'm falling for him everyday only because of the respect he has for me as a woman, that characteristic I've learned only comes with age. I'm too mature for guys my age and John is at a point in his life where "having fun" doesn't consist of getting kicked out if bars, I'm over it. I love our friendship and the security he offers BECAUSE of his age.

    This has to be one of my favorite posts, it speaks directly to my heart and what i'm going through. This is a wonderful way to start my day. Thanks a lot for sharing Mel! xoxo

    Alice.

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  2. I'm glad that this post touched someone because I take it very seriously! Love you Al.

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  3. i can totally relate to this! i was 26 when i met my husband and i feel for him the minute - i am talking the minute i saw him - even though he was 42 at the time. he thought i was a 19 year old punk and didn't give me a second thought. two weeks later he found out - and was astonished - i was 26 and then you could see the wheels turning in his head. two weeks after that we started dating {and i got those married and kids questions too and was so happy to also reply no!} and now here we are 9 years {married 7} and two kids later and i couldn't be happier. it really doesn't matter the age, what matters is is that he makes you happy cause that's the most important. i could be with my ex-boyfriend who was my own age but i would definitely not be happy and not have the life i have now and i wouldn't change it for anything! good luck!! {and tell your friends to bugger off! ;) }
    so happy i found you blog!

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    Replies
    1. Thanks for stopping by! It's always nice to hear stories from other ladies. Cheers to you two and all that you've accomplished! Happiness, in the end, is ALL that matters!
      xx
      Melissa

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