Friday, January 11, 2013


I've always struggled to put my thoughts on this subject into words. The struggles I've had, the friendships I've lost, the ones I've gained, it's all a very sensitive subject for me. But I feel like I'm in a place where maybe I'm growing up, maybe I've changed, so it's become a little easier to process?
It can be hard to be a good friend. I know some of you might laugh at that, but it's true for me. Life happens. There's work, there's kids, there's family, there's hobbies, etc. It can be hard to be the friend who picks up every phone call, gets together every weekend, answers every text or remembers every detail.
You have to want to be a good friend. You have to want to keep in touch. It all takes effort on your behalf.
I definitely haven't perfected it(nor will I ever), but I've learned a few things here and there about how to be a friend and how not to be.
One thing is for sure, you will change. Your friends will change. It's all in how you adapt and adjust to these changes. These changes will cause differences, maybe even confrontation. Sometimes you just have to learn to agree to disagree. That may not always work, so then you have to decide if the differences are strong enough to pull you apart or if the relationship is important enough to you to put your differences aside.
Sometimes you will have to swallow your pride, but you should never give in to someone who continually hurts you or brings you down.
You will become a sort of stand-in therapist to your friend(s), as they will do the same for you. There will be times when they feel like they have no one else to turn to, and they will pour their heart out to you. You will help them along, they will help you along, all while you are both learning how to navigate your own lives. The secrets they share are yours to KEEP, just as you would want them to do.
When the boat gets rocky, which it will, always keep the things you cannot take back, to yourself. And no matter how angry or frustrated you get, never speak ill of your friends. Again, I'm not claiming to be perfect here and I have definitely done a lot wrong in my 25 years. My goal here is to share my mistakes and what I've LEARNED. When these things happen, it's ok to take a few days away, collect your thoughts and just cool off a bit. Just remember, they are your friend for a reason.
Be honest, always. With your friends AND with yourself. Be rational. Be considerate. Be understanding. Be grateful. Be thankful. Be forgiving. Be a listener.
There will be a time when everything is going wrong and there will be that one person that you think of and know you can call, they'll be judgement free and lend their shoulder for you to cry on. When you find that person, hold onto them.

“If you’re alone, I’ll be your shadow. If you want to cry, I’ll be your shoulder. If you want a hug, I’ll be your pillow. If you need to be happy, I’ll be your smile. But anytime you need a friend, I’ll just be me.”

Melissa Loren

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