Thursday, September 26, 2013

{A Post From My Husband: On Becoming a Father}

 The last time you heard from me was a little over a year ago and it was the sounds of football, autumn dew on the ground and the smell of gunpowder and lead. Some things are inevitable; KC's buzz for sports, the first week of cool weather and the smell of...baby powder and dirty diapers???
Amazing how life changes. I am blessed enough to become a father in the next few weeks and in the whirlwind of paint, cribs, clothes and pregnancy, I will try to put into words this expecting father's realities. Men are stereotyped, we are not supposed to show fear or emotion. I want to share a glimpse into my walk. I will by no means preach to you like I know what the heck is going on or try to educate you. I have leaned on my wife a lot during this process, probably more than she knows. I very much appreciate the education she has shared with me through conversations, observations and through this blog. This post does not talk much about the moms. It focuses on my blind walk into fatherhood. However, the moms deserve every bit of praise and then some.

Life is very seldom subtle, most of the time it comes at you like an unexpected shot to the groin. I believe it's God's way of letting us know that we are not the ones in control. We were wanting to have a child, and we were wanting to have a child in this time frame, however the initial shock of finding out that my wife and I had created another human being was breathtaking. And so began the sleepless nights...

Let me start with, I didn't sleep much before I knew we were having a baby. Now I sleep even less. I will be well practiced in lack of sleep once he arrives and hope to be of service to my breastfeeding wife each night. One reason I am unable to sleep is my mind works differently than most, I have ADD, so my mind bounces and bounces often(as you can see from my paragraph structure). Once the lights go out, I have more focus than I have ever experienced. That focus is on my now growing family. I pray and I pray and I pray. Healthy mama, healthy baby, thanks and praise, family, finances, work...and so the list goes. I know in the end God has a plan and I just need to lead our family down that path. In talks with other fathers and fathers-to-be, I am by no means unique or unique of any parent. (I know Melissa says the same prayers and has the same concerns.) The late nights are not a nuisance, but a relief. My time talking with God gets me back to par.

We as kids have put our parents on pedestals and in a flash there is a paradigm shift. Now Melissa and I are the ones that have to provide, teach and protect and are placed on that pedestal. I cannot wait to wear the title, "Dad." It is scary to know that I have another human's survival I am responsible for. I am lucky enough to have a brother that has been an amazing father to two loving children. Talk about an education you cannot pay for. On a day to day basis I had the opportunity to watch a man shape two lives. What a blessing. There is no measuring stick in fatherhood, but I have seen a template.
There are a million questions a day...are you ready?...are you nervous?...but you know my answer is always the same(usually in my head) ready or not, he's coming. I could not be more excited to know that in a few short weeks our baby boy will be here. I am ecstatic to become a father, but my biggest accomplishment will be equaled by watching my wife become a mom. I see the love in her eyes and it blows my mind. The amount of love that woman already possesses for the bundle of joy eliminates any fear or nerves or whatever you want to call it. This is a team game, and we have no other goal but to succeed.
Am I ready...NO...nobody is ready. Am I prepared...I would like to think as much as one can be. With my wife by my side and son in arm, I am ready to walk with them on our path of love.
Stand tall and shoot straight,
Kory

2 comments:

  1. Oh my goodness....I needed a Kleenex too! So sweet. UR little guy sure is lucky to have such amazing parents!!!!

    ReplyDelete

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