Sunday, October 6, 2013

{Twenty-Six}

The first half of 25, for me, was the pits. Not to be too dramatic, but I had the worst birthday of all the birthdays. And things just seemed to spiral downward from there. I hate to use the word depressed, you know, because it sounds so pathetic and you're not really supposed to. I think I got to that point though. I was the lowest I have ever been. Everything just felt wrong. Friendships ended, relationships were hindered, work was awful. I felt like I was alone and all the fingers were pointing at me.You did this, you said that, you didn't do this, you think you're this. Things were just not going how I envisioned them.

I think it's ok to get to your lowest though and I think it's ok to be depressed. It's all in how you bounce back. I didn't let anyone know I how I felt, there was no need for anyone to know that I was sad. It took me longer to bounce back than I expected, but I did. You get to a point where things just don't matter anymore. You get tired of making everyone else happy. You realize that some relationships just aren't meant to be. You learn who's worth fighting for and who will fight for you. You quit worrying about the petty stuff and you start by making a valid effort to be happy.

Sometimes you just have to let things go. "It is what it is," right? I hate that saying. But sometimes it just makes so much sense. It will drain you if you hold onto things too tight, that aren't meant to be. So just let go, take deep breaths and focus on yourself.

Five months into my 25th year of life, I found out that I was pregnant. Engagements, weddings, children, food, etc., these sorts of things should never be used as reasons to become happy.  

But I'll admit it, this baby helped turn my spirit around. He gave me the courage to rid myself of all the things that don't matter. Of all the negative. He's made me positively happy, all the way to my core. He's given me a new outlook, he's given me strength and he's given me love. I have so much love and goodness in my heart. He has brought light to all of the good in my life. 

I'm five days away from being 26. Fast forward a year from 25 and you'll pass through lost friendships, new friendships, work hardships(that's putting it lightly), pregnancy struggles, rocky relationships, and you'll end up with a woman who is on top of the world. A woman who has found herself. A woman who finally knows(or close to) who she is supposed to be. 

I am exactly where I want to be at 26. I could literally be a mother any day now. I'm a wife to possibly the best man in the world, who will likely be one of the top-ranking dads in the universe. I've learned when to pick my battles. I've learned when to have patience and when to keep my mouth shut. I've learned so much from possibly one of the worst and best years of my life. 

You've gotta get knocked down to get back up. I'm thankful for the good and the bad. I'm thankful for the people who stood by my side. I'm forever grateful for the love you all have given me, and now, Baby Schartz. And I'm so very thankful for new life. I'm ready for 26. 

I have a pretty good feeling that it'll be one of the best. 

Here's to another year!
^^In honor of my up coming birthday and impending motherhood. 
xx,
Melissa Loren


3 comments:

  1. Melissa, I loved this post. I've been in a slump for a while now, and it's nice to know I'm not alone. I'm so happy you've found yourself and am so excited to see how you take on motherhood! It's been great getting to know you!

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  2. I think I have come to believe that everyone hates 25! But like you said, you have to experience the lows in order to love the highs. 26 will be your favorite year yet. The best is yet to come. It don't get no better! :) Love ya!

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    1. PS. What a CUTE baby you were!!

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