Monday, November 18, 2013

Confessions of A New Mommy

WELL, I have 14 unused cloth diapers. 

I'm not exactly sure what I thought motherhood would be like. I think I thought I'd be some sort of guru or have the "magic touch." Maybe I thought I'd be some sort of super mom and be able to do it all...

My two main goals as a pregnant momma were to breastfeed my babe and to cloth diaper my babe. Each for several different reasons. Breastfeeding obviously for it's health benefits and cloth diapers to save ourselves a little bit of money. 

I have to admit that I underestimated the task of breastfeeding. It is maybe one of the most trying things I've ever done(second to labor). Maybe I'm crazy, maybe I'm not human, maybe I'm not motherly, but breastfeeding is not enjoyable at all for me. It's exhausting, it makes me feel tied down and as I've said before, it's painful. The pain does fade, but not completely. Am I thankful for the benefits of it? Yes. Do I swoon over my baby as he feeds from his momma? Absolutely. BUT, it is waaaayyy more work than I ever imagined. 

That being said, we have yet to find the time to start cloth diapering our babe. At first we couldn't because of his umbilical cord and they were a bit too big for him. At this point though, I can't even fathom putting more energy into something else. Between 2 hour feedings ALL throughout the day and night, I'm supposed to add in rinsing and washing dirty diapers?? Our Henry goes through about 10 diapers a day at this stage. Can you imagine scooping the poo out of a cloth diaper and how many times I'd have to run the washing machine with only 14 cloth diapers? I can't. It sounds dreadful. I admit it. 

I remember people told me I was crazy for wanting to cloth diaper. Many of them told me to call them when I gave up. I hated that they didn't even give me a chance to try and I thought to myself over and over that I'd prove them wrong. I truly think I would have if it weren't for breastfeeding, but the other day I confessed to my husband that it was one or the other. Either I give up breastfeeding or we return the cloth diapers. 

Ahhh, I said it! I feel so much better. At first I felt guilty. I felt like I gave up too early, but really I feel like it's something I have to do to remain sane and keep being the best mommy I can be. If not I'll stretch myself too thin. 

Kudos to those mommies who do both. You're incredible. Really, I think you are. I can barely find time to feed myself or brush my teeth with my breastfeeding babe. He feeds or he cries. So literally my entire day is spent feeding him or doing my best to soothe him. We're lucky for baby naps or sleeps in this house, so the rare occasion that he naps, I try with all my might to nap too. Hence the lack of posts that will go up after the guests posts are done!

Maybe one day I'll try again, but for now I'll keep tackling the demanding world of breastfeeding. They say it gets easier...

Moments like these are why I'm not quite ready to give up on breastfeeding...
xx,
Melissa Loren

7 comments:

  1. It does get easier, and less painful but breast feeding is more work than I ever imagined also lol. I have been doing it 5 months now, my little guy wont take my pumped milk from a bottle either, he only wants to be nursed. I feel your pain!! But it is the best bonding experience ever. I absolutely love it. Keep up the good work

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  2. I have a lot of friends that didn't start cloth diapering until about 3 months in. Once your routine is established, you're sleeping a little more, you're getting the hang of things. It takes time and you definitely don't need the added stress in the beginning. You absolutely can do both, but give yourself some time to figure out one at a time. Don't take them back yet! Supermom doesn't happen overnight. Every day gets a little easier and you've got years before they're out of diapers. You're doing awesome! Hang in there mama!

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  3. Yes yes yes, what these mamas said. Wait to use your diapers until he's only going through about 6 a day. It'll be way easier then and they will fit him then, too! BFing gets easier too. It really does. After 6 weeks, give or take, you will both have figured it out and it will be easier than bottle feeding. I promise. I can think of dozens of times when I actually thought out loud that nursing was easy. Yes, easier than bottles. No gear. No mixing or shaking or heating up water or any of that shit. Especially on the go! Remember that we are here for you! Anytime you feel defeated or have a question or whatever, don't hesitate to reach out for support! YOU CAN DO IT! xoxo

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  4. First let me say that your little one is SO STINKING CUTE! He is so lucky to have a mama like you :) Second, can I get an AMEN from this side of the fence? Breastfeeding has also been so much more work than I ever imagined and I know what you mean by feeling tied down; whether it be from the baby or from a pump. I have been pumping and nursing like crazy in an effort to get my milk supply up (and out of concern that he wasn't getting enough to eat). Poor little guy has such a high palate that nursing can be a struggle and eating out of a bottle can also be somewhat difficult because the milk comes out way too fast for him. Hang in there and know that there are plenty of other women out there that are in the same boat and that support you 100%. You're doing great :)

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  5. Trust me and these other mamas, the breastfeeding will get easier. The first three months were pretty rough and feedings were round the clock with my son and man I wanted to give it up sometimes. But eventually it will click - you won't be feeding as often and it won't hurt anymore and you WILL love it wholeheartedly.

    And I was in the "I'm going to cloth diaper and show all you naysayers" boat until mine came too. I waited it out, tried again when he was a little older but still felt totally overwhelmed by it. If you need to give it up for your sanity, don't feel guilty. Motherhood is hard enough without beating yourself up over such a small thing (and in the long run it is such a small thing).

    You're doing awesome and the two of you look amazing. Don't doubt yourself.

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  6. Did you know that breastfed babies cloth diapers can go straight into the wash as long as they are strictly breastfed. The poop is water soluble so no need to scoop out the poop. Just throw that thing in there. As for breastfeeding...its NEVER easy in the beginning. That being said it really does get better and easier. I hate that new moms have to go though the first 6 weeks in pain, but I promise you it is worth it. I've been bfing my son for 14 months now and it was one of my greatest achievements! You can do it! Oh, and I found using Motherlove nipple cream every day those first few weeks really helped!

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  7. Thank you all for your encouraging words! Breastfeeding has gotten much better! I haven't returned the cloth diapers yet, we'll see what happens in the next few weeks!

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