I'm not exactly sure what I thought motherhood would be like. I think I thought I'd be some sort of guru or have the "magic touch." Maybe I thought I'd be some sort of super mom and be able to do it all...
My two main goals as a pregnant momma were to breastfeed my babe and to cloth diaper my babe. Each for several different reasons. Breastfeeding obviously for it's health benefits and cloth diapers to save ourselves a little bit of money.
I have to admit that I underestimated the task of breastfeeding. It is maybe one of the most trying things I've ever done(second to labor). Maybe I'm crazy, maybe I'm not human, maybe I'm not motherly, but breastfeeding is not enjoyable at all for me. It's exhausting, it makes me feel tied down and as I've said before, it's painful. The pain does fade, but not completely. Am I thankful for the benefits of it? Yes. Do I swoon over my baby as he feeds from his momma? Absolutely. BUT, it is waaaayyy more work than I ever imagined.
That being said, we have yet to find the time to start cloth diapering our babe. At first we couldn't because of his umbilical cord and they were a bit too big for him. At this point though, I can't even fathom putting more energy into something else. Between 2 hour feedings ALL throughout the day and night, I'm supposed to add in rinsing and washing dirty diapers?? Our Henry goes through about 10 diapers a day at this stage. Can you imagine scooping the poo out of a cloth diaper and how many times I'd have to run the washing machine with only 14 cloth diapers? I can't. It sounds dreadful. I admit it.
I remember people told me I was crazy for wanting to cloth diaper. Many of them told me to call them when I gave up. I hated that they didn't even give me a chance to try and I thought to myself over and over that I'd prove them wrong. I truly think I would have if it weren't for breastfeeding, but the other day I confessed to my husband that it was one or the other. Either I give up breastfeeding or we return the cloth diapers.
Ahhh, I said it! I feel so much better. At first I felt guilty. I felt like I gave up too early, but really I feel like it's something I have to do to remain sane and keep being the best mommy I can be. If not I'll stretch myself too thin.
Kudos to those mommies who do both. You're incredible. Really, I think you are. I can barely find time to feed myself or brush my teeth with my breastfeeding babe. He feeds or he cries. So literally my entire day is spent feeding him or doing my best to soothe him. We're lucky for baby naps or sleeps in this house, so the rare occasion that he naps, I try with all my might to nap too. Hence the lack of posts that will go up after the guests posts are done!
Maybe one day I'll try again, but for now I'll keep tackling the demanding world of breastfeeding. They say it gets easier...