Sunday, December 29, 2013

My Addition to, "10 Things You Should Know About Having a Baby."

A friend of mine posted this article on 10 Things You Should know About Having a Baby, on my Facebook and it was so perfect for me. It said everything that I've been trying to say for the last couple of months. It was spot on with the emotions and thoughts I've had. I wrote a little something to go along with the 10 things she shared. You don't have to read the article first, but I do recommend it! Here's what I had to say...

1. This happened to me. Just like she said, I didn't hear the angel choirs when I first saw my son. I was so afraid that I was going to be "that mom." The one who wasn't completely and utterly infatuated with her baby. You know, that whole love at first sight feeling that every mom is supposed to have. I remember very vividly the doctor stitching me up without a local. I screamed with every poke and thread yank. The doctor went on to tell Kory to put the bed rail down so I could see and focus on the baby. I remember thinking, "I don't care about the baby right now, finish up these damn stitches and quit pushing that awful placenta out of me!" In that moment I truly thought I wasn't going to be in love with my baby. I remember thinking I was awful for focusing so much on myself. I know now that birth took everything out of me. I needed to focus on myself. I had almost given up during birth. I was freaking exhausted. That wouldn't be the last of my selfish, exhausted thoughts. 3 am makes everything seem like the end of the world. 

2. My first trip to the bathroom after birth was definitely and event. I left this part out of my birth story, I felt like you guys had heard enough of my story. My nurse actually helped me to the bathroom my first time. She helped me get myself on the toilet and asked if I'd be ok if she left me alone. I told her I'd be fine so she said she'd be right outside if I needed her. She walked out and instantly I felt a wave of dizziness come over me. She hollered to check and make sure I was ok and when I didn't answer she came rushing in. I had passed out and fallen off of the toilet. She immediately pulled the nurses cord and 4 nurses came rushing in and helped clean me up and get me back to bed. They were supposed to move me to another room, but after this they had to keep me where I was to monitor me. I had lost a lot of blood and that's why I had passed out. The whole time Kory and his mother were sitting on the couch chatting in the room and they had no idea what had happened. Kory went in to use the restroom and when he came out he told me it looked like a crime scene in there. I didn't have the energy to explain it to him. It was very scary though, I had never had something like that happen before. Definitely ask for help, even if you're not feeling funny. 

3. I've practically drowned you guys in all of my breastfeeding tears. If you guys follow along you already know how awful I thought breastfeeding was. Up until about 7 days ago, at every 2 am wakeup call I would swear I wasn't going to breastfeed anymore. For whatever reason I wouldn't let myself give up and I'm glad I didn't. 

4. It was EXACTLY on my 4th day postpartum when my life came crashing down and the flood gates opened. Or at least I thought it was crashing in the moment. I cried, and cried, and cried. I thought that maybe I had become a mother too soon. I even thought that maybe I shouldn't have become a mother at all, that it wasn't for me. I thought I was going to have the baby blues. Heck maybe I did? I thought that my life would never be the same again. I was right, but not in the ways that I thought. It will forever be different, but you do get into a routine and start to be able to be yourself again. And then one day that baby of yours gives you a big ol grin and you know that this is exactly what you were meant to do. Don't be afraid or embarrassed to reach out if the overwhelming feelings don't go away. 

5. We traveled to the pediatrician a few times in that first week, but if we hadn't, I never would have taken off my pjs! You ARE bleeding, leaking and oozing so nothing is comfortable except for sweats and lose tees. I wasn't prepared for all of the discomfort afterwards. It's crazy how we are expected to take care of another life when we're in excrutiating pain ourselves. It's obviously possible to do alone, but if you have people to help, let them! I didn't and I wish I would have. I was so weak from all the energy taken out of me and I was sore from head to toe. It's ok to let someone else hold or carry the baby. 

6. Henry didn't sleep in the beginning. I slept upright in the rocker while he nursed every night for the first 10 days. After that we tried co-sleeping, we tried letting him sleep in the swing, nothing worked. Which translated into me not sleeping at all. He wasn't and hasn't been much of a day sleeper. He's not big on naps. He only sleeps if we're in the car. If we're home he's always bright eyed and bushy tailed. BUT he eventually learned to sleep in his rock n play and has gone from waking up at 12, 2, 5 and 7, to waking up at 2, 5 and 7, to now waking up at 3 and 7. Who can complain about that at 7 weeks old?!

7. I've sort of addressed this one too. You and your spouse are the only ones responsible for the decisions you make in your child's life, don't let anyone bully you into thinking differently. Trust your gut for sure. Like I said above, we don't have help. It's just my husband and me. Sooo if you're not here day in and day out, don't tell me how we should be doing things. :) 

8. Finding support was difficult for me. I wouldn't let people help or come over. It took time for me to adjust and get in a groove. H's breastfeeding schedule seemed so crazy that I just couldn't imagine people coming in and out of my home. I had several girl friends that would let me text them when I felt like I was losing my mind and they would encourage me in any way they could. Thank you girls. I of course had all of you here on the blog too. Thank you. :)

9. This is one thing I have caught myself doing 100 times...I complain, but then I quickly defend myself and explain that it's not that I'm not grateful for my baby boy. Which is 100% true. I am grateful, he's amazing. But IT DOES SUCK SOMETIMES. It's so hard some days. I do love my son though and I didn't make a mistake by becoming a mother. He is worth it again and again. The days get easier and the love for your child grows every single day. 

10. I think we all know that I take way too many pictures. I should probably work on getting myself in some of them. I should work even harder to get the whole fam in some. 

I wanted to respond to each of these personally, because I think it helps to hear from someone you know. Then you can relate a little easier or you might feel more encouraged to ask questions, if you have them. So those are my two cents, for what they're worth. 

xx,
Melissa Loren

1 comment:

  1. I love this post! All of it is so true! Becoming a mother is very hard, but very worth it.

    ReplyDelete

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