Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Thicker Skin

One of these days I will stop worrying about other people's opinions. I'll stop caring about how mean and negative people can be. Maybe by the end of this post...

I usually don't let the opinions of others keep me from doing my own thing, but I have to admit I let their words bother me more than I should. Especially here on the internet. Probably because I know people hide behind their computers and wouldn't have the nerve to say half the things they say to others, if they were face to face. Plus they don't know the person, they don't know their situation, so how can they comment so negatively about something they know nothing about??

I just don't get why people have to be so hateful. We should be supporting and encouraging one another. Most opinions and comments are completely unnecessary, but if you must chip in why not at least be polite or even constructive. Have some couth when you're dishing out (typically unwanted) advice and put yourself in their shoes before word vomiting all over the place. Think to yourself, is this helpful? Is this adding to the conversation? Is this hurtful to the author or the subject? 

I am fully aware that life isn't all rainbows and unicorn farts, people are entitled to their thoughts and opinions, but sometimes it's just not appropriate. There's times when the old saying, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all," should be enforced. 

What I'm trying to say is, don't waste your breath being hateful or judgmental around these parts because I won't stand for it. If I want to take my 4 week old to Target because I have cabin fever and need diapers and a nursing tank, I will. You know why? Because he's my child and because I'm a grown woman. I will make sure he's wearing a hat and well-bundled and if he cries I will vacate as quickly as possible, but I would like to do so without condescending eyes because we all know I'm not the first to take a newborn out into the world and I won't be the last. Life doesn't stop because you have a baby, it blossoms and adventures become even more treasured. 

If I managed to go my entire pregnancy without wearing maternity clothes it doesn't mean I did it intentionally or that I was a size 0 before I got pregnant(I definitely wasn't!). It doesn't mean that I stretched out all my normal clothes or that I ate less than I should have. Maybe it means I have good genes? Or maybe it means I was completely healthy and did exactly what my OB asked of me to prevent gestational diabetes since diabetes runs on both sides of my family. Maybe it means I did everything I could to protect my child and to keep him and myself healthy. 

There's a banner on my sons crib, yes. Does he sleep in his crib yet, no. Will I remove the banner before we transition him to crib, of course I will. I'm a first time mom, which is irrelevant because whether I was or not, why would I ever intentionally put my child in harms way? It was for a photo shoot people!! Same goes for the objects above my son's crib, we switched H's crib and dresser over Thanksgiving. We worried that the items could fall off the wall and as Henry's mommy I couldn't live with myself if that happened. When the baby isn't here yet you don't always consider these things, but since he's been here we've already learned so much and have made adjustments as needed. 

If we could all stop being so concerned with the way others live their lives and start focusing on how we can better improve ours, wouldn't the world be a little bit happier? Stop worrying about the girl in apartment 206, stop worrying about the mom who lost all of her baby weight, stop worrying about the mom who breastfeeds her toddler, stop worrying about the girl who always has the cutest shoes. Just stop worrying about others. Care for yourself and tend to your own family/life. 

Again, if you don't know a person or their situation, don't be so quick with your unsolicited words. Bite. Your. Tongue. Unless you have a real concern and have a way of sharing your opinion without being hurtful. If you can be kind and sincere in your advice/thoughts, then by all means, help a friend out. 

Otherwise take it somewhere else. 

K, thanks :)

Melissa Loren


  1. Preach it... not enough love in this world. You're such a good person Melissa.

  2. Hi Melissa
    I was so worried about you last night that I couldn't fall asleep. I wanted to let you know I did flag one of the comments and it was removed. I think you just got a really bad batch of commenters. B*tches be crazy!
    Unfortunately, the worst thing you can do is react. I would try to stay offline for a few days (if it were me) and enjoy that beautiful baby boy of yours; he's all that matters, after all. I've seen so many other nurseries on there with flags, one of them by one of the top nursery designers in the country. It was mentioned in the comments then, and she did clarify after that it was only for the shoot but I think how you respond can make a difference. And now I am shi*t scared to submit my kids rooms on AT!
    Personally, it would bother me having that stuff on there. You could consider asking to have the post removed or the comments deleted and turned off.
    And you're right, I also HATE anonymous comments. I never comment anonymously. If you can't put your name on it, then you shouldn't be saying it (my mantra that I just created)


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