Wednesday, August 27, 2014

{Hold on Tight, Momma}

It's funny how the print that I created for the nursery, that says, "it won't be like this for long," has such a different meaning now. 
I'm not sure why I initially made this print for the nursery. I'm assuming it was to remind myself to soak up all of the sweet, and at times, seemingly endless moments while we had them because they'd be over before we knew it. 

As I would sit in the rocker, nursing my son at 3 in the morning, while the rest of the neighborhood slept, emotion would overcome me. I would cry. I would bawl until I could no longer read those words I wrote. I would be covered in pathetic, salty, weepy tears. I was full of hormones, I was deprived of all the sleep, and the truth is, I felt trapped. I felt like my world was crashing. I would never again be the same person. Life would never be the same. I would never sleep again. Gosh, I'd never have a glass of wine again. (Although I probably didn't need any because I was already full of whine.) And then I would cry more for feeling this way. This is exactly how you're NOT supposed to feel, right? 
I felt like I was a terrible mother, and then that stupid print, that I drew myself was constantly staring at me, mocking me, "it won't be like this for long, so suck it up, chump." 
The print was right though, and I was right for putting it in the nursery. I am thankful that it was always there to remind me. Even when I was tired, frustrated and ready to give up, I tried to remember that I wasn't going to be sleep deprived forever, Henry wasn't going to stare blankly at me forever and that it was just a little bit of growing pains. Those newborn cries would be gone sooner than I thought. The bouts of baby acne were just a phase. My breasts wouldn't remain cracked and sore for the rest of my life. Soon enough I would be sleeping peacefully with my husband again. And eventually everything wouldn't be his fault. It won't be like this for long, Melissa.
Those first few weeks were the hardest for me. It took time to realize that I was in fact hormonal and sleep deprived and that things would eventually settle down. Growing pains, indeed. 
Fast forward several months, drop by our house at bedtime and you will literally see my husband and me "fighting" over who's going to put H to bed. Typically we both feed him dinner. All three of us usually eat dinner together because, it won't be like this for long. We both like to pitch in during bath time because, there won't always be baby babble and innocent splashing. Neither of us wants to miss out on the nighttime feeding, because there won't always be nighttime snuggles. We both want to rock him to sleep & sing to him because, well, it won't be like this for long! 
That saying has such a different meaning these days. For this momma at least. 
Those monkey hairs. Those squishy baby toes. Those knuckle dimples. Those raspberries. Those big gulps as he drinks his milk. Those upside down goodbye waves (the cutest). Those sweet baby murmurs. He will outgrow all of it.
It went from being, hang in there, momma, things will get better, it won't be like this for long. To hold on tight, momma, it won't be like this for long.
Henry will be one soon, and then he'll be starting kindergarten, and then he'll be getting his license, and then he'll be off to college, and then...
You guys get the point. I just want to cherish every moment our family has together. Henry will only be my baby for a couple more months. How is he growing up already?
Treasure it with me, momma, it goes by too fast for our hearts to handle.
xx,
Melissa Loren

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