To add to the dynamic of this post and this past year, I feel I must point out that I'm sitting in my car, in my garage, while my son sleeps. He fell asleep on the way home from work, which happens 3 out of the 4 days that I work and 9 out of 10 times when we're on our way home from anywhere. Ohhh #motherhood :)
I wanted to avoid talking about how much this year has changed me, but it's inevitable. I'm still Melissa, but I really do believe that I'm a more patient, more nurturing, more careful version of myself. Henry has taught me so much. He reminds me to be kind, even when it's hard. He has taught me to slow down, that life doesn't have to be such a hurry. He's made me realize that everything doesn't have to go as planned...
Henry, you and I had quite the start. I have to say it was a tough start, even though it kills me to admit that. Becoming your momma didn't come as naturally to me as I hoped it would. I lacked the instincts or the confidence that most mommas are born with. I didn't understand why you were so "needy" and why you didn't just "hang out" like all of the other babies I had experienced. It took me a while to realize that God had given me MY baby. You were your own unique little person and God had given you to me because he knew that I could handle it and he knew I had immense love in my heart. He knew that with practice you would help me grow into the momma that I was meant to be.
We have spent nearly every second of your days together and sometimes I swear that our hearts beat as one, our laughter echos in our bellies just the same and when I look at you, I swear I see my reflection. You are my whole world. You bring me to my knees at night to pray that you're safe for all your days. To pray that you will always know how much I love you, that you know that you can always come to me, and that you know that I will always be here to catch you when you fall.
You made me a momma, Henry Harper, and you did a damn good job of it. I am who I am, for you, and because you. And I thank you for all that you have brought to our family.
I've tried to finish this post a hundred times. It's hard to find the words to describe this past year to you, and to others. All I can say is, what a crazy, beautiful ride it has been. <3
I'll love you for always, bubba.