Tuesday, October 21, 2014

I'm sorry it's been so quiet around here lately. I swear I have ideas and thoughts and intentions of blogging. Sometimes I just get overwhelmed though. You know, [obviously] I'm not a writer, I'm not a photographer, I'm not a stylist (as much as my heart says I am and I feel like it's my calling, I'm just not), I'm not a DIY extraordinaire, so sometimes I wonder why I'm doing this blogging thing. Does it serve a purpose? Do I serve a purpose? I feel like I've always been an ambitious, passionate person and somewhere along the way I've lost that part of myself. Lately I feel like I'm drowning, I'm wasting talent, I'm at a stalemate and there's not another move in my future. I feel stuck and I feel like I'm failing sometimes. I'm contributing nothing to my family. The weight of the world rest solely on my husband and I do very little to keep him from that burden. Being a mom is the most incredible role I play, but I know that I need to be doing more. I need to be contributing more and pushing us ahead. Do you ever feel like that? Like a sitting duck? 
I don't know when it was that I lost my calling. The drive and passion is there, I promise. It's just figuring out where I'm going and how to get started. Shouldn't I be past the stage of not knowing what my future holds? Not knowing what I am meant to be and do?
How can a person be so completely overwhelmed and so completely underwhelmed at the same time?
So it's quiet, because I'm working on fixing these things. I'm working on me and finding my calling, my purpose. I want to be more, I need to be more, for my sweet son. 
Because he's basically perfect and he deserves the very best. 
Melissa Loren

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