Sunday, December 4, 2016

{Where Do You Draw The Line}

I know we've been down this road before, but that time is nearing again. It's the great debate. Where do you draw the line between work and family, cost of daycare vs. income and quantity vs. quality? Luce's due date is approaching, although we have a couple months yet, it will be here before we know it. That's how it goes, right? As I was stressed and worried with Henry, the same goes for Luce. Financially that is, I wasn't stressed about having a baby...although that did prove to be pretty stressful as well (hahaha).
Now last time, I turned out to be way more fortunate. My mom owned a business, I helped run the family business and in turn I was able to bring my son with me. That was all a very last minute decision, but it was the best of both worlds, the cake and the ice cream. I was able to save on daycare(which is extrememly expensive) *while* bringing home a paycheck and helping to provide for my family.

Fast forward. As most of you know, my mom closed her restaurant. I have a new job. To give you a little background, I work crazy hours. I work days, nights, weekends, you name it. I can work 3 pm to 11 pm one day and turn around and open from 7 am to 4 pm the next. Closing shifts turn into opening shifts more often than not and on top of that no week is the same. The schedule is completely different day to day, week to week. Starting a new job meant sending Henry to daycare. Which meant an added expense. And ovbiously Luce will be the next added expene. Sending both will almost demolish my weekly paycheck. Nuts right? I will basically be working to pay someone to watch my children. Once you add in gas(my 35-40 minute drive), there is literally no exaggeration. So at what point do you say hey, it's not worth it? Breastfeeding with a crazy work schedule isn't worh it. Raising a newborn on a crazy schedule isn't worth it. Spending time driving back and forth to work and daycare isn't worth it. Being away from your family at dinnertime, bedtime, and on holidays just to pay for daycare-isn't worth it. Where do you draw the line?

On the flip side...
I gave you a little insight into life these days with my Thanksgiving Day post. After getting a divorce, moving out and taking on all of the credit card debt, it's like starting over. It's like I'm 22 again, straight out of college with no home, just a rental and all of the student loan debt in the world. Only now I have student loan debt, divorce debt and credit card debt. So it's like being a 29 year old divorcee. That's not meant to be a sob story, it never is. I made my decisions, I'm taking care of what I can, the best I can and as quickly as I can, but it doesn't happen over night. So at what point do you say hey, I want to get everything paid off and I don't want to live in a 2 bedroom duplex with 2 kids forever? We want to buy a house, as soon as possible. So the obvious thing would be work for it. Duh, always have, always will, but when you're working to pay for daycare and won't make any progress anyway, what's the point? Where is the line? Where's the happy medium? Where's the forward progress?

Or are you patient and take one step at a time? Take time to raise and love on your babies. Worry about a house and material things later. A house is just that, walls and a roof. The family and the love are what make it a home. Be it big or small, a happy and well-loved family can be raised.

How do you guys make it work? What brings you the most joy? Where do you draw the line? Is it harder with multiple children? Adulting is hard. Parenting is hard. We all just want to do the right thing.
xx,
Melissa Loren

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