Monday, February 6, 2017

{Every Stage is A Season}

Right about 6 months ago, I felt like I lost a little piece of me. When I had to send Henry to daycare, it was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. He had spent every single day of his life up to that point, with me. I know that's a little dramatic for some, but it was a tough time in my life for several reasons, and it was hard to let go. It seemed like everything snowballed from there. I struggled with work, Henry struggled with daycare and Henry and I struggled with each other. He transitioned into this super whiny and needy little boy. Anytime he didn't get his way he automatically cried or pouted. Which almost always sent me over the edge after a long day of work. He seemed to cling to me in the most abrasive way. I missed him 100% of the time, but when I was finally off work I was absolutely drained (not to mention pregnant) so it seemed hard to breathe or find time to myself. I felt smothered and worn out. Yet I yearned for my son day in and day out. I was selfish and only thought of myself. *I* started a new job. *I* was tired. *I* had a long drive everyday. *I* was learning new things daily. What about Henry? Wasn't he tired from having to wake up before the sun all of a sudden? Wasn't he learning so many new things daily? Wasn't he around complete strangers daily(especially since it was a new daycare and they were trying to find their niche and the teachers that worked for them)? Napping in a new place? Eating new food? Trying to learn how to potty like a big boy. He was ripped away from his safe haven, his momma. He needed time to learn and adjust. No wonder he clung to me and cried for my attention. Of course he wanted me to strain my arm to hold hands the entire drive home. He needed my touch, my comfort. He needed my patience and my heart.

I write this now, because looking back, I was such a fool. I didn't know *how* much he needed me, how hard the change was for him. I write this to remind myself that he had a reason for his tears. He had reasons for his neediness and extreme yearning  for his momma.

I write this now, knowing that this was just another season in our lives. Time has passed. The leaves on our tree changed colors, the wind took them away, our branches were bare for a while, but now we're ready to sprout new, greener-than-ever leaves. 

Every stage, be it blissful or stressful, is just a season. Nothing lasts forever. 

Once again I am so very thankful to my Henry for his genuine love and power to teach me without even knowing it. It was a gentle reminder that another new season is coming. Baby sister. And I will need to remember that every cry has a purpose, every tear shed has a reason and every tough night has a lesson.
Melissa Loren

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