Friday, March 3, 2017

{Ohhh, Breastfeeding}

Well, it is happening again. I have this beautiful baby and everything is going pretty well, except...breastfeeding. Wah. What is it with me and breastfeeding? Why do people not admit how hard it really can be. It really does change everything for you. Every routine is turned around because of breastfeeding, is it not? Every lunch, every drive, every event is scheduled around babe's feeding schedule. Even more so when you're not comfortable nursing in public. I will, but only in the right environments and among the right company. Otherwise I find myself scrunching up in the backseat of my jeep trying to feed my babe in the Target parking lot. Which the anxiety of her crying, being hungry, and drawing attention to us leads me to leave my expensive designer sunglasses in the shopping cart. Sad face emoji. Also, what is it with me and tongue-tied babies?! I have a tongue-tie, so I was lucky enough to pass that gene onto both of my nuggets. I fought through it with Henry, but Luce's seems to be a little tighter which makes it even harder for her to nurse, which in turn makes it about fifty times more painful for me. Like, excruciating. Cracked, bleeding, grit your teeth, clinch whatever is close by so tight and try not to cry, excruciating. She's two weeks today and I literally already want to give up-that's how bad it hurts. I remember pushing through it with H, but I don't remember it hurting nearly this bad and it seemed to fade by this point. These wounds just reopen with every nursing session. Now, they can cut a tongue tie and it's supposed to be quick and painless for the baby. Ten minutes, quick and they can start nursing again immediately. Of course anything like that makes me nervous though. You never want to put your child through any type of stress, so I definitely need to hear all of the pros and cons. We have her two week appointment next week, so I'm going to talk to her pediatrician about it and go from there. I am going to try so very hard to push through the weekend and make it until we find out our next move. Pray for me. 
It's funny that I'm so worried about nursing her. I swore after Henry I'd never nurse another baby, but here I am trying to do what's "best." However, I also promised myself that this time around I would give myself waaaayyyy more grace and not place so much pressure on myself. I understand that breastmilk is best, but it's also not the end all be all. If it comes down to it and I start supplementing or completely switch to formula, I am not going to beat myself up about it. I am technically a stay at home mom now, so it feels like breastfeeding is part of my "job," but we've had this discussion before, children need a healthy, happy, well-rested mother. This family will only survive and be happy if I can run a tight ship. And I need my sanity and joy to produce a happy household. :) Fair enough, right?
PS: I pumped and Luce *REFUSED* my fresh milk out of a bottle. What the heck? So, there's that too. Six different bottles, mind you. Henry wouldn't take my frozen breastmilk, if some of you all recall that. My little tongue-tied babies are picky too. ;-P
So I'm just going to take one step at a time and keep doing what I can to keep my babies happy and healthy. This doesn't include beating myself up over things that won't matter in weeks, months or years from now. Henry was supplemented with formula in the latter months of his babyhood and he turned out just right, something tells me that Luce will, too. <3
xx,
Melissa Loren



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